The Invisible I
by
Gregory Norris

I witness

Many, many times I've witnessed a trap that catches stories written in the first person.

I call it the “Invisible I”. 

It’s one of the most common mistakes in short story writing.  It damages an opening to a story.  It makes the reader distrust the author.

Readers need to know who the narrator of a story is, as soon as possible on the first page.  They need to identify with the narrator, to become him or her, to lose themselves in the narrator’s world and problems. 

How can they do this if they know nothing about the narrator?

If written in the first person (“I did this, I said that”) then the reader needs some basic information about who “I” is.  Such as:

It is very disconcerting to read a story where you initially think the narrator is male, then discover on a later page the narrator’s female!

Or to think “I” is a young male student, and then on page two find “I” is a retired woman taking a course as a mature student.

Without these basics readers are lost, they cannot begin to picture the narrator or connect with the story.  The story’s real opening is delayed - there is no commitment by the reader until they understand.

Remember a short story doesn’t have the advantage of the blurb on the back of a novel.  It doesn’t have an introduction saying: “This is a story about a young woman who finally confronts her abusive mother.”  The only understanding the reader can get is from the words on the page.

If basic facts about “I” meander in the reader’s mind, then you have a frustrated reader on your hands.  The story will be thrown down in disgust.

All seeing I

Let all your readers see who “I” is.

Take a story you’ve written in the first person and look a the opening again.

Is there a strong narrator who readers will identify with from the first paragraph?  Or is the “I” in the story hidden for quite a while?

Imagine a new reader picking your story up at random.  What basic facts about “I” are gained early on – age, male or female, and so on?  Your narrator has to carry the story, has to be understood, has to be visible.  Is there a danger the narrator will change gender or age in readers’ minds, before they can pin down who “I” is? 

Can you think of a way to efficiently get across your narrator’s basic facts in the first paragraph?  In an indirect way, mind, not blatantly!  Subtle clues are enough to hint at age and gender and status.  (A rare short story can start by directly addressing the reader, along the lines of, “I’m a 24 year old woman and I hate my mother”, but mostly you won’t want this sort of style.)

A single sentence or two might be all it needs, something like:

    “I arrived early at my mother’s bungalow and found her in the kitchen.  She still bakes cakes for my younger brother and sends them to his student digs.  A boy was worth more to her and she never tried to hide it.”

I openers

Here’s the start of Roald Dahl’s Man from the South

    “It was getting on towards six o’clock so I thought I’d buy myself a beer…”

implying “I” is male.

John Updike’s A & P

    “In walks these three girls in nothing but bathing suits.  I’m in the third checkout slot, with my back to the door, so I don’t see them until they’re over by the bread.  The one that caught my eye first was the one in the plaid green two-piece…”

Can you sense whether the narrator's male or female, without being told?  How old?  Status in life, education?

What basic understanding of “I” do you gain from the opening to Raymond Carver’s Cathedral?

    “This blind man, an old friend of my wife’s, he was on his way to spend the night.”

I sight

It’s not that hard to make “I” visible.  A couple of careful sentences and we’re done. 

But it's tough to realise when we’ve written an invisible I.  A short-sightedness comes over us.  We authors know our characters so well we simply don’t remember that “I” is a stranger to the reader.

Watch out for the “Invisible I”.  It kills a lot of first person stories.

Any questions?  Lost and confused?  Feel free to email me at gn@gregorynorris.com.